Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
please come you make the beer taste better
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
