absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
