You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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