Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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