are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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