it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
