i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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