What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
