I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
