I take back everything I said about communal showers
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
