dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
ugly people sure do ruin things
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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