All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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