I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
