I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
