Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
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The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
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how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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