I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
