I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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