Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
