I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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