I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
