Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
