Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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