He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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