you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
