I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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