Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
