Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
