i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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