Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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