FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
