Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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