Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Bring me that man meat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize