He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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