I have demons in me.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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