i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
