his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
