I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
