Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
