Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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