I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
