Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
