just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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