You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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