I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
