I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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