She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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