Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
