we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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