did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
