My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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