Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
