I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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