Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i think i have two assholes
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
