Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
