I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
