So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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