i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
