Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
