Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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