oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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