would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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