She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
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Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
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She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?