i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
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I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
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I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.