I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.