So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.