Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.