I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.