I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
