There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
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Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
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He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.