i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
