I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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