Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
